Friday, November 03, 2006

The Great Coach Debate -- Fleece & Flog Style

Here's an exercise in stupidity that we here at Fleece & Flog are great at attempting...a contest or comparison bewtween two of Notre Dame's esteemed head football coaches. (And understand, I love Notre Dame football and as such, reserve the right to be as sacrilegious as I want to be.) Using my personal list of quirky criterion we'll weigh out the best of each coach. And the contestants are...

Charlie Weis vs Lou Holtz






Strange Bodily Functions/Secretions:


Lou Holtz had the lisp which probably made him look ridiculous from time to time. "I sthwear, boyths, if you don't think thiths team isth for real, youth better justh cleanth your lockerths out nowth ." I gotta imagine an Irish player or two had a hard time holding back a snicker listening to Lou.

Charlie Weis gets a little of that white spittle in the corners of his mouth and on the tip of his lips from time to time which could lead to an explosive situation. And Charlie can sweat with the best of them. Kids definitely don't wanna see a huffing and puffing Coach Weis coming their way.

And the winner is: Spittle and sweat wins over lisp. Weis wins.

Overestimating the Opponent:

Lou Holtz was the master of making Navy running game seem like the greatest thing since the Four Horseman. He'd hype a Duke passing attack better than Flava Flav on freebie night at the Gold Club. If his Irish team was playing Our Sisters of the Blessed Shroud, he'd make the nuns 6'10", 280lbs. with a 4.45 40 yard dash playing with their habits as helmets. Snoop Dog's Pee Wee team could beat the Irish in Lou's words.

Charlie Weis can make Purdue seem like the team that shall remain nameless from time to time, but he's better at picking out individual players he purposely overestimates.

And the winner is: Holtz, hands down. The Apocolypse was upon Coach Lou every Saturday morning.

Sideline Demeanor:

Lou Holtz has the sideline march down to a science, and the last thing an offensive, defensive or special teams unit wanted to see was Lou stalking the sidelines. Nick Cannon in Drumline couldn't play a cadence to match Lou's pace.

Charlie Weis has one thing going against him: his weight, but that stare is downright frightening. Imagine being a 19 year old kid knowing you just missed a block and Brady Quinn just got smushed. This is a man who has stared down Tom Brady, you think he can't handle a sophomore playing in only his 4th collegiate contest?

And the winner is: Charlie Weis. Lou Holtz march always made me think he had to pee.

Track Record:

Lou Holtz turned around a terrible Arkansas program before resurrecting the Irish and leading them to the 1988 National Championship. His South Carolina stint wasn't without it's troubles. In fact, Lou was under suspicion of major NCAA violations while at South Carolina and Arkansas and only the luster of ND's Golden Dome has kept his tenure there from further scrutiny.

Charlie Weis has 3 Super Bowl rings and turned Tom Brady of all people into the modern day Joe Montana.

And the winner is: The reason I didn't root more for the New England Patroits is because Brady is a U of M W-------e, but you can't argue with the results. Weis, even in light of Holtz's ND Championship.

Bringing Back Tradition:

Lou Holtz took an Irish team mired in mediocrity for most of the '80s and made a champion out of it. Previous to the 1988 season, Tim Brown brought Heisman glory back to South Bend. Holtz also reestablished the rivalry that is U of M and ND. And who can ever argue with the wishbone? Ricky Watters, Reggie Brooks and Jerome Bettis sure didn't.

Charlie Weis brought in a very conspicuously missing Joe Montana to address his team. He also brought in an arial attack that brought to mind more Steve Spurrier than Ara Parasegian.

And the winner is: Holtz cuz he put ND back on the map. (Charlie may take this eventually though.)

All in all, Charlie Weis gets the nod over Lou Holtz, but we're gonna throw that conclusion out the window until coach Weis actually wins a bowl game. Now if only North Carolina weren't so damn tough against the run, maybe coach Weis could have some peace of mind. I know if Lou Holtz were still coaching he wouldn't be sleeping this Friday night.

8 Comments:

Blogger Soxually Repressed said...

As you stated (mostly), Holtz was a violation everywhere he went. It took a LOT of ND backworking to keep the tarnish off of his (and subsequently the Golden Dome) era.
How much was he in it? Even ESPN, who treats ND like it was an Atlantic port town as far as coverage is concerned, mentioned violations during Holtz's Notre Dame tenure (among the others). Talk about sacrilege.

10:59 AM, November 03, 2006  
Blogger DickdaStick said...

Say it ain't true, Lou

1:11 PM, November 03, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Learn how to spell the name of the coach right d-bag. It is W-E-I-S. I demand the last 5 minutes of my life back from the deadspin editor that linked this piece of garbage!

3:40 PM, November 04, 2006  
Blogger Otter said...

Another Weis is the greatest of all time... once again, what's Weis' best win? Last years Navy game? Tech this year? I'm no Holtz fan, but this Weis love is sort of like the medias love for Peyton.

4:20 PM, November 04, 2006  
Blogger Jeeves said...

I'll give it to Holtz for now; until Weis has that defining win during his tenure. I will admit, in the long run, he'll probably have a greater legacy, though.

5:45 PM, November 04, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For the love of god...it's spelled WEIS!!

8:56 PM, November 04, 2006  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

okay, okay, okay...so I spelt Weis wrong, big friggin' deal, I edited it, happy?

9:40 PM, November 04, 2006  
Blogger Soxually Repressed said...

Spelt?
Yes.
What SR basheth he must also defend.
Past particple of spell.

Nice job misspelling the coaches name of YOUR FAVORITE COLLEGE TEAM. On a link to deadspin no less. That would be like me spelling Ron Zooke's name wrong.
Just kidding, I know it's Zoock.
(Still just kidding.)

12:14 PM, November 06, 2006  

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