Monday, January 15, 2007

Dear Illinois Basketball Program,

We noticed your recent second-half collapse against Michigan State. We also noticed it seems to be a bit of a pattern. Your team had trouble holding on to half-time leads versus Maryland, Michigan, and Xavier prior to this game. In order to have a good chance at making the NCAA tournament we reckon a winning conference record would look great on your resume. To that end (that end being a 9-7 conference record) your team would need to go 8 and 4 the rest of the season. Not to say that is an impossible task, but it certainly looks to be an uphill battle from here. There is a distinct possibility that your squad might miss the BIG DANCE. More is the pity.

However, we are here with some good news. The proverbial silver lining, as it were. Should you find yourselves unable to qualify for MARCH MADNESS, there is another option. US! Us being the NIT. We would love to have you. It might be as fancy as the other event, or have all the games televised. The winner might not be held in very high esteem, or have a yearly video game about it. Still, it isn't like kissing your sister, as some have opined. (Maybe like a second cousin? Is that something you would be okay with?)

In any case, we will be like the girl at the DANCE who isn't really pretty, but is better with a nice dress on and has a fantastic personality. While all the real jocks go with the pretty girls who go all the way, we will wait for the guys who don't want it quite as much. Don't get us wrong. We are wishing you luck. But like that girl, we are secretly hoping you don't get too lucky.

See you in the spring,
The NIT Selection Committee

4 Comments:

Anonymous Seitz said...

Don't offer that invitation just yet. I'm pretty sure that by the end of the season, even the NIT isn't going to come calling.

1:35 PM, January 16, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wait until next year. I hear the Gordon kid is real good. Wait until Bruce gets "his" recruits to UI.

But seriously ... he (Bruce) is a joke, and so is Painter.

Go Hoosiers!

3:28 PM, January 16, 2007  
Blogger Soxually Repressed said...

Hoosiers? The difference between the two programs and coaches would span the continental divide. It also goes a long way toward explaining their respective fans. Illinois fans were/are bitter at a coach who always left for the "better" job, and have a coach who seems to want to do it the right way. Indiana for years had a coach who was a bully and worse (remember the "if rape is inevitable..." quote?). When the coach was next couldn't hope to live down to those standards was no more, the university promptly brought in a coach who arrived with NCAA sanctions following his trail. If the Hoosiers have any success, it will be easy to see why; slime always leaves it's mark. I would rather win "clean" than win "dirty" anyday.

3:52 PM, January 16, 2007  
Anonymous Frank the Tank said...

Illini in the NIT... I'm extremely worried that this has turned from a possibility into a probability since the Big Ten season began.

To all of the Hoosier trolls out there, however, you definitely put the "ass" in class.

4:48 PM, January 16, 2007  

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