Monday, December 25, 2006

It's Christmas Morning!

And so we wish all of our readers and friends Happy Holidays wherever you are.

We'd also like to wish a few things to a few extra special people, the ones who give us the inspiration for this blog.

For the Bears we'd like to wish a playoff victory; it's been so long that the diehards are even sucking the life outta the '85 team.

For Rex Grossman we'd like to wish a homing pigeon so he can start completing the long pass again.

For Tank Johnson we'd like to wish a judge with a sense of humor.

For the Bulls we'd like to wish a prototypical power forward to lend a hand on the boards on the days the regulars just don't have it.

For Kirk Hinrich we'd like to wish a new set of contacts so he can find his shooting eye again.

For Michael Sweetney we'd wish Richard Simmons' greatest hits.

For the Blackhawks we'd like to wish a trailer full of crash test dummies to at least give the illusion that the United Center is full of fans.

For Denis Savard we'd wish a quarry full of Energizer batteries so he can put some life into that dead power play.

For Martin Havlat We'd wish a bigger closet so he'll have a place to store all the hats he collects after hat tricks.

For the Cubs we'd like to wish a few more victories cuz I hate to see my Cubs fans friends so depressed in May after they've already conceded the division.

For Alfonso Soriano we'd like to wish a bottle of calamine lotion for when he comes down with a case of poison ivy after running into the wall at Wrigley Field.

For Mark Prior we'd like to wish a trade -- to the south side where Don Cooper can fix him, and the Sox can get the best years out of his career.

For the White Sox we'd like to wish a magician's assistant cuz smoke (BA) and mirrors (Pods) won't get it done in the outfield this season.

For Ozzie Guillen we'd like to wish a habanero pepper before each game so he'll have a different type of fire to extinguish when he opens his mouth.

For Joe Crede we'd like to wish all the man love and groupies in the world so he'll stay in Chicago after this season.

For Charlie Weis we'd like to wish a halo cuz when he beats LSU in the Sugar Bowl, he'll become St. Charles of South Bend.

For Bruce Weber we'd like to wish a CTA pass so he'll have access to the Chicago Public League top hoops recruits.

On a more personal note, I'd like to wish ChicagoCubbin a year's supply of tissue since he'll be crying in his beer after the Cubs average more than an error a game this season.

For Jeeves I wish another opportunity to run into Barry Bonds so he can stop straddling the fence and tell him how he really feels.

For Soxually Repressed, well, where do I start? Maybe a wiring kit to fix the negative circuitry in his head. And maybe a can of alphabet soup so he can suck on his P's & Q's. How about a Tardis so he has time for more posts and less comments. And maybe an internship at the Suntimes so he can ass munch his mentor, Mariotti, in person instead of in print.

So to all of you readers and blog brothers and sisters (Fornelli, CA, Panger, Dickie, Tank, etc.), Happy Holidays from the gang at Fleece the Pig, Flog the Pony.

3 Comments:

Blogger Jeeves said...

haha...the only thing I'm straddling the fence about Bonds is whether to let him be, or to be an asshole, myself.

Merry Christmas bud!

12:22 PM, December 25, 2006  
Blogger Soxually Repressed said...

Just because I said Mariotti had to do more work because he writes an actual column, and not two, three paragraphs like some OTHER blogs suggest, it doesn't mean his columns don't suck. They do. They really, really do. At least I guess they do, since I can't remember reading one in recent memory. He's sucked for a long time, AND even though it is an opinion column and not a beat column, I still think it is weak that he never goes to see his targets first hand.

Don't get suck on my p and q's.

Funny thing about circuits. You need both positve and negative to have any real power. (Allegory is fun!)

Without comments I wouldn't be able to contribute half as much. Which would probably improve the writing on FtPx2, now that I think about it. I need the Tardis (geek alert, geek alert) to get to the blog soon enough after an event to make it worth the point.

The Suntimes called me and said to tell you to never joke about me getting an internship. I asked them when Mariotti's was up. They didn't see the humor.

This is obviously posting AFTER Cult High Point Day, so hope yours was good, and merry New Year. Same to your dad.

12:12 AM, December 28, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And here's to wishing that the White Sox might someday matter to more than 700 people. Funny how the Sox can go such a long time without winning the World Series, and then they finally win it and nobody notices, let alone gives a shit. If you play second fiddle to the most pathatic baseball team in history, what does that make you? Answer: the White Sox.

4:07 PM, January 16, 2007  

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