Monday, November 20, 2006

A Whole New Meaning to a Big Right Hook(er)

All aboard the crazy train, where it stops, not even god knows at this point.

Our favorite rapist/boxer with a lisp can now add another profession to his resume. If you thought Mike Tyson could sink no lower, you clearly underestimated the storm of insanity that is Iron Mike. Tyson is now partaking in the world's oldest profession. No, he's not a connoisseur, but rather a provider. He is officially a prostitute. Tyson has hooked up with the infamous Heidi Fleiss who now has a 60-acre, legalized, brothel for women known as Heidi's Stud Farm.

Now that I think about it, such a move by Tyson isn't all that surprising. I'm not referring to his craziness, but rather his fondness of loving. Tyson was once quoted as saying,
"I may like fornicating more than other people. It's just who I am. I sacrifice so much of my life, can I atleast get laid? Know what I mean? I been robbed of most of my money, can I at least get a blow job?"

It all makes sense. Tyson loves to fornicate, and he's been robbed of most of his money, so why not fornicate for money? It's perfect, he's killing two birds with one stone.

Tyson on his new profession,

"I don't care what any man says, it's every man's dream to please every woman - and get paid for it."

I have two questions now for Tyson.

A.) Would he really please every woman? Would he really "please" a woman like this?
B.) What's his prostitute name going to be?

Prostitutes are required to have ridiculous names like Candy or Star or Hooty McBoob or Chesty LaRue, so what will Tyson go by?

He could go for the always classic Buck Naked a la Seinfeld. Perhaps he could go by Big Right Hooker and pay respects to his roots as a boxer. He could also go as Big Nasty Nate in homage to his days in jail and to the movie Half Baked. Maybe he'd go and make a play off Brokeback Mountain as everyone else has done in the past year and go by Broke-Ass something or the other to relate to the fact that he has no dough.

Regardless of what his name will be, I think Mike will be very successful in his stint as a gigolo. After all, he claims he could "sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating." Plus, if there are any unwanted pregnancies, Mike can just "eat his children."

So here's to you Mike. You've gone from boxer, to poet, to male prostitute. As you approach this new challenge, just remember this one bit of advice, "Don't be a fool, cover your tool."

3 Comments:

Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

Personally, I think he should be called The Gap Man.

3:50 AM, November 20, 2006  
Blogger Soxually Repressed said...

His slogan could be: Still the best, pound for pound.

1:07 PM, November 21, 2006  
Blogger Panger said...

i'm afraid his new seinfeld nickname might be a touch different...

5:04 PM, November 21, 2006  

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